Pets allow couples to practice teamwork. They also create relationship proving grounds, where romantic partners decide household rules and negotiate rough spots. Whether it’s a fuss over pet behavior or allergies, pets need not push couples to the brink, forcing someone to shout, "It’s me or the dog/cat!"
If you and your sweetheart butt heads over a pet, here's expert advice on what to do to avoid a showdown over pet bonding, pet behavior, or pet allergies.
My husband, Bill, and I became friends because our former spouses were brother and sister. We used to spend a lot of time together -- going skiing, celebrating holidays, that sort of thing. We were all very close. But then first his wife died (in 1998) and then my husband died (in 2003) -- both of cancer. Bill and I supported each other. We gave each other shoulders to lean on. Eventually we fell in love.
After we got married, it took us four years to find a nice home that we could afford (our spouses'...
Sophia Yin, DVM, a veterinarian with San Francisco Veterinary Specialists and author of several books, including How to Behave So Your Dog Behaves, says that if a dog or cat seems not to like someone, the real issue is pre-existing fear of new people or situations.
Fear/stress behaviors can worsen during courtship, hitting critical mass when couples move in together, especially if pets:
Hide and/or soil inside the house
Bark, whine, or fuss
Yin says counterconditioning, in which the pet learns to link someone or something with food or play, can ease pets into a more comfortable relationship.
Pet Behavior: When Household Rules Get Set
Couples also argue over household rules related to pet behavior, such as:
Whether to allow pets on the furniture or in the kitchen
How pets should behave inside the home, including at mealtime, playtime, and bedtime
Whether to allow the pet to kiss or jump on people as signs of affection
Even if the couple agrees, getting the dog or cat to comply may be another matter. If you have never trained your pet to respond to requests, Yin says the ensuing frustration can trigger people without any pet training experience "to be mean to the dog or cat and make things worse."
Pet Allergies: When Pets Make You Sick
Pet allergies have become increasingly common in the last 60 years, because of lifestyle changes and jumps in pet ownership, from 56% to 62% since 1988.
Yet, J. Allen Meadows, MD, a board certified allergist and member of the American College of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology, tells WebMD that 20% to 30% of his clients technically aren’t allergic to anything; it takes an allergy test to tell for sure.